President George W. Bush has been awarded the “2008 Environmental Man of the Year Award” for his efforts in reducing the human population. Reducing the human population is the best way to reduce human impact on the environment. Former Vice President Al Gore who came in second place for the year was stunned and said “How does George always manage to beat me?” Green Peace stated ” We admire anyone willing to go to extremes to help mother nature”. Green Peace also issued a plea going out to Emo Fans everywhere asking for their help. One way Emo fans can really help mother nature is to recruit and round up all of your Emo friends and then make suicide pacs. The reduction in hairspray and flat iron usage alone would have a huge positive impact for the ozone. We spoke to Depressed Emo Records label producer Sid Badtripin about the plea. He said “It could work but it’s hard to find proactive, non selfabsorbed Emo fans with enough commitment to follow through” The Emo fans we spoke to did not know about the plea or anything about Green Peace.
So, can I please work for the Onion now?